hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize