omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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