i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
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Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
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New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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