it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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