I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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