I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
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Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
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His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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