But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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