Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
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He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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