Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
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Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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