First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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