You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
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I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
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I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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