i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize