ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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