In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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