So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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