Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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