I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize