I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize