I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
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Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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