she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize