so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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