maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize