I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize