3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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