her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver just had a heart attack.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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