you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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