my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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