Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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