My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize