dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
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there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
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Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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