Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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