god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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