I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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