I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
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Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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