the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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