she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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