I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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