I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
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I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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