this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
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I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i've created a new STD.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize