I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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