Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize