They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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