i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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