Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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