I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
