We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
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I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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