after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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