when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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