I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
well you can't waste a boner
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
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I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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