there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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