If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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