the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
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I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
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I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So. Much. Porn.
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