You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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