She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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